What is misgendering?

Misgendering happens when someone uses pronouns or gendered language that do not match the sex of the person they are talking about. In the accounts shared by detransitioned and gender-non-conforming individuals, it often occurs when strangers or even former trans friends label them with male pronouns despite their clear presentation as women. For example, Lurkersquid describes how “being misgendered after detransitioning fucking sucks because it feels like being called a liar for just living as your sex” [citation:109fa080-96ce-4f25-82c6-ba9497e135d6]. Others note that simple cues like short hair or deep voices trigger automatic assumptions, while some trans acquaintances continue to use “he/him” out of habit or as a subtle assertion that the person is “denying their true identity” [citation:1005ddce-9aff-4352-8560-636d51aa79f4].

The stories reveal a perceived hypocrisy: the same trans activists who insist misgendering is “literal violence” may still misgender gender-non-conforming or detransitioned women, lumping them under trans labels or over-correcting pronouns to avoid offense. Yet the most common non-malicious reason is simple stereotyping—people default to visual shortcuts rather than malice. Detransitioners recommend a brief, friendly correction (“Actually, I’m a woman”) and then moving on, recognizing that standing up to misgendering—especially from within the trans community—can be an act of bravery because it challenges rigid expectations and affirms one’s authentic, non-medical path to living as their sex.